Well, back from the dealer. I guess I didn't crank the wheel far enough to the left for it to lock, but it did and does. I wish someone had said it takes a full 360 degrees for it to lock, I felt like a fool when they told me it was never broke to start with.
Give a man fire, he'll be warm for a night. Light a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
An apple a day, thrown hard enough, will keep anyone away.